Hey, Mandy. Its me, myself & I.

Guess What, the rumors are TRUE! Yes, I'm taking Cymbalta. Anti-Depressant/Anti-Anxiety. It has made a world of differences for me, i'm kinda a little absent minded and forgetful but over all I feel better. I can't describe "better" but I am. Blaiden is the center of my universe, why wouldn't he be? I know. Lol 

I'm just saying, he is my everything. 

I hate working, or maybe its I hate my job. I'm not sure. But when i'm with Blaiden I feel like I belong. Recently I made a big decision to let my car get repo'ed. I know it sounds awful but really I cant afford it anymore, The payment, the repairs, it's out of control. The brakes went last along with the rotors and before that, the trunk opens refusing to let me start the car, shifting to only 3rd (when it has 6 speeds) leaking oil, the axel is leaking, the front left tire wears faster then it should, beyond electrical malfunctions and the dealer has refused to work with me since day 1. So instead of whining and complaining anymore, I'm just flat out over having a car that is not safe to drive nor dependable. So that is that! Having no car is really gonna be hard, its also why i'm chosing to take 6 weeks LOA at work, I really need to decide if working is for me, or if i'm willing to make some financial sacrifices to be happy at home with Blaiden. Also, i'm a wopping 94lbs and Its gotta be the stress. I feel better as a person but the drive to work and the being away from blaiden is killing me, I hate eating, but im eating. Sleeping is getting easier, thank buddha. 

I'm also thinking of exploring religions, or more of a spiritual gateway. Buddhism, seems promising. Don't judge me, it's my life. I chose awhile ago, this is my life and i'm not gonna live to impress others, I know who I am. I for ALONG time expected so much on a relationship level or support level from the wrong people. Again, i'm all over the place with this blog/letter to myself. But It's kinda the way things are up in my brain lately, but I like it, things make sense here. I have a different way of thinking, i'm okay with that. The ones who understand is who I chose :)

I like the way I've chosen to raise Blaiden, choices i've made for him and my beliefs in parenting. I will continue to make my own decisions for him, I will not compromise for him :) 

He is amazingly smart! Starting to attempt walking at only 10 months, he still doesn't have any teeth. He loves to play, and more so he loves the kitties. Words are flowing. Dada, kitty, again, in, more, dexter, up, ya, so many many words are starting to be clear. But he refuses to say mamma! Little turd, its okay I know he loves me. He got his first bloody nose last week, tried to kiss his ducky and missed and hit the floor :( It was awful, for me. 

Christmas is only 6 days away and i'm so unprepared! My own fault of course, I messed up the bank account. Paid the mortgage twice! So i'll be doing late christmas shopping , but at least I will get to! I'm really just into making it amazing for the little ones this year. I think the fact that everyone together just hanging out is gonna be the perfect gift for me, but I accept anything ;) Lol Christmas day wont be go go go BUT christmas eve will, it's everything I didnt want. But other people have their traditions and such, so I just need to make sure i'm ready prior. :/ 

We will see.

Okay well I may have spilled enough for now, I'm gonna go clean now. Seriously need to get this playroom ready for the TOYS!

xxoo

Me

He's 9 damn months old!

 "I need to do something... i'll blog"

Take one-

Let me start with Blaiden, because with him I could go on for days about how utterly amazing he is, did I mention he is 9 months! In actuality i've almost been un-pregnant as long as I was pregnant with him [2.10.11] past due by exactly 7 days, I can remember it like it was yesterday STILL! (ouch) Okay so back to him, yes 9 months and a GENIUS, aren't all our kids geniuses? He's all over the place, being mobile is his favorite thing next to eating, lol. He is rarely sitting still and climbing everything like hes part monkey. His favorite "activities" to do right now are: splashing in the animals water bowls, playing with his music activity table, torturing the "higgys", dancing/shaking his butt and turning the pages of his board books. Yes, my childs first real word was indeed higgy, translated: kitty. Completely infatuated with them, just like me! He is like a tiny human, like a real person not just a baby. He eats like a horse, I mean really we eat all day. I try to make all his food, but reality is I work now and being on the floor all day with him on my day off isn't exactly allowing for susie homemaker in the kitchen. I like plum organics, earth best and nurtur me baby food brands. He is still no dairy/no soy, so basically a little vegan... sorta, he does love eggs (scrambled or fried). For milk he drinks almond milk or coconut and really I am so pleased with his health that I wouldn't choose any other diet for him, so saddening that it took a few months to get his tummy figured out. Did I mention the kid still has no teeth, I mean really it's strange. They'll come when they want, yes I know. He has no problems chewing anything though, he loves chomping cheerios and veggie sticks. He weighs 20lbs now and height I do not remember, but hes as healthy as a clam, are clams healthy? LoL Still no vaccines, and its not "still" i'm not waiting or on the fence. WE ARE NOT VACCINATING IM FIRM AND AT ONE WITH THIS DECISION, please and thank you. I'm at one with all the parenting tactics I/we have :) 

Damn he's gorgeous! 

My little blue eyed blondie

"Mommy & Blaiden oRion"

since work...

It's been about a month. Im having a really hard time. Not many people understand, most say you just have to get use to it. I'm not really okay with that. I've been pretty good with eliminating the stress from my life. This is the sole battle right now. When I'm at work I can barely focus. When does it get easier? It's not gonna, he's my baby, this is normal.
I miss him.

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Dear Volkswagen,

I bought a Jetta because its a safe car. Apparently safe is because broken cars aren't driven much.

You fail.

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New HaiR

New job, new Chapter...

Next page

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almost six months

BlaiDeN oRioN

He was due 6 months ago today, I cant even imagine that 6 months ago I weighed just over 150lbs. I remember being so uncomfortable I could barely walk. Begging everyone and anyone to just get this baby out!


Well here we are 6 months later and BlaiDen is more amazing then I could of ever dreamed. 

• Things that consume his (our) days
• Rolls over  Loves to be on his tummy
• One legged turtle crawl
• stands up when you hold his hands
• Throws things out of his crib
• Fascinated with the cats
• Loves it outside
• loves to jump in his excer-saucer
• Conquered the Bumbo (no puke, yay)
• Babbles
• Working on clapping, loves when you clap for him!
• Yells,  LOUD
• Still loves his fabric dice
• V-Tech talking dog
• Rattles, Balls, teething rings
• Crinkly things
• Walks, lots of them, long ones. 
• Drives
• He now sits in the front of shopping carts, in a cart cover.
• Wants whatever your drinking or eating, and the answer in 99% of the time Blaiden i'm sorry you cant :(
• Binky is completely consumed by his mouth now, any which way he can get it in there
• Bottles (yes, he holds it himself :) )
• Formula (Gerber Goodstart, Gentle) To be eliminated soon
• Breastmilk
• Almond Milk
• h2o
• Spoon Fed!!!! (some homemade some organic) 
• Plum Organic Brown Rice 
• Bananas
• Peas
• Carrots
• Purple Carrot & Blueberries
• Apples
• Green beans
• Sweet Potatoes
• Baby Mum rice rusks
• Clothes
• 9 months & sometimes 12 months
• He wears shorts & t-shirts
• sz 2 shoes are TIGHT on him
• Sleeping Habits
• Car rides.... zzzz
• Ducky, Binky + His blankie (auntie shelby made)
• Bottles and/or  Journey songs put him to sleep
• 2-3 naps a day (45mins - 2 hrs)
• 10pm-6am
• Baths
• LOVES THEM

I'll probably have to update this a few times, i'm probably forgetting thngs :/

Bottom line, hes growing up so fast ....

<3

Cousins

.love.

Enough said.

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milestone climber....

In 2 weeks he will be 6 months old.... I can't beleive how fast its gone, his growing that is, mommy healing not so much. But yes milestones, he's much better at tummy time, full roller, almost crawling, sitting up with less help, eating fruits & veggies... sleeping better at night....

Damn I love this kid.

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Marley

Puppy teeth

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bliss

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5 months on his candy blankie...

Blaiden is HUGE.

That is all

Blaiden (danger baby) loudest baby I know.

Blaiden screams and yells, not because he's mad (usually) but because HE CAN! He makes noises when he eats, wakes up blabbing, I mean really he's just overall LOUD! He's seriously like a little person. When your eating or drink something he wants it, and if hes in reach he WILL grab it.
I see why people start baby proofing during pregnancy because you never know when you need to: it just happens.  One day hes still and the next he's into everything. He tries to chew the cord to the computer, he yanks my phone out of my hand, spills glasses on the coffee table just by reaching, kicks things over when he's in "attempt to crawl mode" & when he wants something he lets you know.
Its so cute that he reaches now to be picked up, leans towards toys he wants or a new place he'd like to be in.. bumbo, excersaucer, tummy time, outside... Damn he's smart!
I still cant believe I grew this little (15lbs, 26 inches now) boy inside my belly. Everytime I see him i'm just amazed.

I don't want to miss a single moment in his little life, but I heard this myth that money makes the world turn.

H.M.P.H

I'm in love with taking pictures as much as i'm in love with Blaiden, or vice versa-

 Blaiden oRion

 This kid is so damn cute! Right?! Hes got such an amazing little personality, and he's human! 

Now back to picture taking... 

There is this little grape vine growing on someones fence and this little bundle is growing through the fence... Aren't they cute? I take a picture of them everyday when I walk....

Pathological Picture taker.. of my favorite face.

Yesterday as I had my camera pointed in Blaidens face, yet again, I thought to myself: Am I taking too many pictures?

I wanna save every single moment! His little face changes everyday, he does something new everyday. So the answer to myself is, NO! I do not take too many pictures.

He's almost 5 months old! Can you believe it?

XoXo
Mommy

Marleys 1st night outback.

He did great! I slept not so great because I was worried about him but he was not noisy. I checked on him numerous times, he was asleep in his crate, or in the middle of the yard OR playing. I feel good about this decision... the outside dog!

I just hope my brother stays okay with it.

Happy Auntie Mandy

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Marley.

This here is my nephew, Marley. He is a mutt, a cute mutt. We are unsure of how big or little he will be, right now he is 11 weeks only and weighs about 10 lbs. He's a little skinny, but we'll fatten him up. My brother, is he who adopted this little guy. I was under the impression we were getting an outdoor dog, but this little guy got a fair 1.5 week trial indoors. Little Mr cant control his bladder, so after aunt Mandy (me) had a restless night of playing his mind games, he is now outdoors. My backyard is not a very nice place, its over grown and under loved. I went out pretty early before the heat and made it semi welcoming to little Marley. Blocked all the escape routes, made him a shade spot, gave him a big ole water bowl & smashed down the weeds and covered with mulch for a place for him to potty, as he pleases, not on my NEW carpet or cute throw rugs...

It is now 1:00 pm and its probably about 83 degrees out, and he's a happy little guy. Chasing leaves. Splashin in his water bowl! Dude this dog was meant for the outdoors.

More to come..

Liquid Gold... Breastmilk

My freezer currently holds 50 oz of breast-milk, the so called liquid gold.
My views on breastfeeding are probably a lot different then most. I had a "rough" experience, most may not. To each their own though. If it works for you then awesome, if not ITS OKAY!
With that said, let me tell you what is going on. Blaiden is almost 5 months old (the 10th) and we are STILL having major issues with throwing up, most say spit up but when its in ounces I call it throw up. He's been diagnosed with reflux a moderate to severe case. Sometimes when he throws up its completely acidic, and he screams. No one wants that taste in their mouth. He had a upper GI last week and now we are gong to see a specialist.
I try to give him more baby food (homemade and a few plum organic foods) & rice then formula, because he keeps that down better. We have tried every formula under the sun, literally. What we found that works best is Gerber Gentle and Similac Alimentum (hypoallergenic), I use a quarter of a scoop in 3 oz. Barely any of the Alimentum, I started out using more but he hates it so I prefer not to torture him.

Yesterday I got this genious idea, our issue with the breast-milk was it gave him severe gas and made him crazy no matter what I ate. So I thought what if I put a splash of alimentum in the BM (breastmilk) well i did... And he's been drinking nothing but breast milk today, no spit up!!! since 745am its now 4:45, isnt that awesome!!!

Next issue, I havent pumped in 8 weeks. So I only have whats in the freezer, well I grab the medela, pump, and guess what?

I CAN STILL MAKE MILK!! I'm such a cow. LoL

Fenugreek & Mothers Milk Tea.. & gallons of water,, I will get this supply back up!!
I will keep you all posted on how it goes.

Back to watching Hoarders... I should blog about that next... maybe

too often....

I despise conflict, some may say differently but its really the truth. Often when i'm in a verbal dispute/discussion I feel cornered and trapped even if it was me who started it and I scramble for words I make zero sense and it really doesn't better the situation. Recently I realized I'm never happy with the outcome of talking about the way I feel. (some negative, some positive or sometimes just a general discussion) I never feel better after, no matter how much or little I talk about specific problems. I've tried to self evaluate to see if I can do something different or maybe its the other person. I'm really at a loss for words. Its not with a specific person its with many people. It really sucks because I know its not good to bottle things up. But really if I know i'm not gonna feel better after talking about it, and I 90% of the time feel SO much worse, its not worth it. I'm gonna work on working things out in my head or maybe start a journal. I don't want anyone to take this personally. But for ME I think this is best.

Dear Diary its me...

I made a little human.

He eats, he sleeps, he poops, he cries, he laughs.. he does everything I do. But who am I kidding girls don't poop. He is 4 months and 5 days old. I never imagined being this much in love with such a tiny little person, I "also" didn't expect to be this exhausted by caring for such a little person who really isn't very mobile.

Day one of being home he was this mellow little person who I was sure was not mine at all, he was just so go with the flow. Easy breezy, sleep wherever he got tired. Everybody was amazed by his mellowness, some a little too alarmed by it. Now he is everything BUT mellow & Everyday he learns something new, a new "milestone" they call it. I've been utterly amazed by every little thing he does. Every mom i'm sure says their baby is advanced, but really! lol

He rolls over, he holds his bottle and yesterday... He leaned to me with his arms out!! I cant even grasp how fast hes growing. My walls will never be empty, I need more frames and someday soon I need a new camera!!!

xoxo

Mommy

Love this song!!!

my previous post...

I just feel like he's bored, what more can I do with him? That's my question.

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What to do with Blaiden all day...

- tummy time
- laugh and discover new faces we can make
- watch the kittie
- incorporate music
- look at books and read
- go for walks
- hang out outside
- watch his movie on repeat....20 times lol (baby einstein discovering water)

This movie has to be boring to him, nope never!!! He laughs everytime, new smiles, new coos, kicks and hollers...

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I started a bad habit... giving him bottle in bed.

On Feb 10th @ 7:08 pm Blaiden came screaming into this world. Since that moment it seemed we had it easy, he'd sleep when he was tired, anywhere and everywhere completely un-assisted. He co-slept for 6 weeks, transitioning to the crib was super easy. At first it was just a night time thing, it was bed time and we'd lie him in the crib give him his paci, turn his sound machine on and he'd fall asleep. He'd wake up hungry so.. He'd get a new diaper, a bottle and burp.. back to bed, easy smeezy.. Then he started napping in his crib, same thing lay him down, give him his paci and he'd fall asleep.

Please note that whenever he was tired we'd let him sleep, not structured really, not in pattern with when he ate, accept middle of the night feedings.

Also he refused to latch (breastfeeding, so I pumped, often. Supplemented with formula often)

10 weeks old, randomly he decided "the boob" was now his thing. My supply wasn't fitting to his demand so I had to supplement but not as much.. It seemed we were gonna do this, Blaiden was gonna be a breast-fed baby. Well then all hell broke loose. Sleeping became a battle at any hour, and at the same time he developed a milk/soy allergy. They say babies sleep alot, that was NOT Blaidens case. He barely slept, I mean really i'd say maybe 8 hours through entire 24 hr period. In turn no-one else was sleeping, cranky mommy :( I had given the actual breatsfeeding (from the boob not the bottle) a fair two weeks and I was seriously done, It turned my lil baby into a monster.

One night, I was just so tired and so done with this fussy little guy being fussy, that I feed him in his bed, laid him down, gave him his bottle. Sometimes he'd finish, sometimes he wouldn't. I'd switch bottle for pacifier, ocassionally he'd just let it fall out, others he'd keep it in. BUT HE SLEPT!! Oh man was I releived, so this is just how its been. Bottle in bed, fall asleep. Naptime or Bedtime.

Almost 4 months old now (the 10th) and this is become a bad habit..

Because hes not always tired just at feeding, hes a light sleeper at times and wakes up, sometimes he doesn't fall asleep at the end of the bottle now... Feeding him just a little more doesn't always put him back to sleep then hes over ate and now he'll puke. It was really a BAD idea!! Bad mommy. Now I must fix this, we MUST fix this.

Last night was our first attempt (pick up/put down method). We gave him a bath (he loves his baths) he was pretty much falling asleep in his little tub. Then I fed him a bottle in my arms, he fell asleep, but I woke him to burp him. Which pretty much over stimulated, but I just rocked him a little and put him in bed with his paci and his ducky (a stuffed dog) and he was out.

MOMMY WAS SO MUCH HAPPY!!! (that was wayy tooo easy)

2:40 am SCREAMING baby, I go into his room, use soft voices tell him he needs to go back to sleep pat his back and give him his paci. I let him toss and turn as I just stood there. About ten minutes passed and he started to get really upset, so I picked him up, rocked him and gave him his paci (he took it, a cue to me hes NOT hungry). He started to nod off so I laid him back down and he seemed to be asleep so I go back to bed. 3 mins later, hes pissed! WAHHHHH, MA, MA, Wahh.... So I go back in, pick him up and rock him and he is so squirmy and wiggly and won't take his paci, literally spits it across the room (cue to me hes hungry). Make him a bottle and his daddy takes over, he feeds him, burps him, rocks him, lays him in the crib, he fussed for like 5 mins, he picked him back up, rocked him, layed him back down. I could hear , the baby monitor it took him about 20 mins to fall asleep but HE DID. At 4 am :/

Wow. That was rough.

So 7:10 he rises, happy.
I feed him, we play, he watches his movie (baby einstein discovering water), we play some more. 8:45 little man is hungry again and looks a little tired, so I feed, burp and rock, layed him n his crib (not asleep, 915) but very tired. He didnt fuss, he just layed there rolling back and forth trying to fall asleep, so I let him till he got upset, picked him up rocked him for about 5 mins, put him back down, and we repeated this cycle for an hour!! 10:15 hes asleep!!!

I have to be consistant. But this has to work, this nap was associated with a feeding, but I did not bottle feed in bed and he did fall asleep an hour later with no bottle help.

Mommy must have coffee now...

Blaiden is almost 4months old...

And mommy is back into her size 3's...

Just need to do some toning to the tummy :/

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Bathtime.

Blaiden loves his bath, one of 2 things that will instantly calm him. (the other is being outside)

Well last night he was being particularly fussy and spit up/basically puked up his entire bottle :(. We had a 39 hr spitupless timeframe, so I was pretty sad, but it was progress. Anyways he NEEDED a bath. Well in the tub he decided he liked the mini milar mothers day balloon (its behind the tub) so I let him hold it while in the tub. He got so excited he was kicking and by the time I was done laughing and he was in a almost empty tub and the kitchen counter, me and the floor were soaked with water and bubbles. Happy baby.... for the time being ...

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my best friend

She just makes me feel better.
End of story.

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this is really happening..

A lot has been going on lately, a whirlwind of chaos... I don't know the last time I was able to catch my breath. (and no its not anything to do with being a parent, for those of you who like to tell me parentings hard and blah blah blah) One thing after another, its like a huge gray cloud is hung over my head and has been there for way too damn long. I'm almost 27 years old and I really don't have much to show for my 27 years of life. I barely graduated high-school, college has been an ongoing procrastination station on my tuner called indecisive career path, daycare was a fail, I've been on the verge of getting my RE license for about a yr and a half now. Let me add also that I really feel debt can possibly kill a person, the emotional strain becomes too much and you feel like a semi is parked on top of your air flow. Something has got to change, I have said this too many times before but I have a baby now and I need to focus. I don't need to be told what to do, I just need support. Its gonna be okay Mandy, you're not a complete failure.

Communication is KEY, with the right people.

everyday...

He gets cuter and smarter everyday. He amazes me with how much personality he has. He's trying to sit up so much, he's finding his hands and realizing their attached, he can touch things, he knows which fingers are his favorite binky replacement, he is so damn cute!!!

He weighed 12.7 at his last app and is 24.5 inches long...

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3 days non stop.....

Zoo day was Thursday, then a garage sale for two days.

Blaiden loved all the sounds at the zoo and there was lots for him to see... Everyone says babies can't comprehend, what's the point and blah blah blah... people, BABIES ARE SPONGES so explore :)

Garage sale resulted in a cranky home sick boy, a sunburnt mommy but some cash for the pockets ... yay...

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discovering my hands...

Mommy has tears ... but hey these things are attached!!!

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a dogs life...

He sleeps, frolics in the grass, eats, gets cookies, poops, pees on weeds and sleeps some more... what an easy life.

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Chocolate Chip Cookies

Trying a new recipe... although i really feel they are all "basically" the same

1 cup butter, softened
1 cup white sugar
1 cup packed brown sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 teaspoons hot water
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups semisweet chocolate chips

I'll let ya know how it goes...

GOT MILK?

Its getting hard...

Having a baby attached to my boob all day isn't really fun.

he's still going strong...

Third day today :) we have some moments but he's doing good.... I'm so happy, I don't miss the 24/7 relationship I had with Medela. Now its more like we meet a couple times a day, that's it. Lol.

My concern is, he's not peeing as much...:/

So I need to give more bottles till I see a change. Dont want him to get dehydration.

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I see you mommy!!!

Love this lil guy...

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7:15 am..

I hear is little coos "i'm up mommy, i'm up" , Kisses and hugs.... Good morning Blaiden!!!

I think to myself, we are really gonna do this. He latched last night why wont he today, hes hungry, he gets it, i'm the milk maker.. But hes 10 weeks old and he was the ANTI boob.. I walk to the kitchen make that bottle just in case! We go sit on the couch, I say Blaiden its time to eat... I pull down my shirt and just tilt him towards me and BAM! Hes latched and suckling away.. As if hes done this his whole life... lol

15-20 mins later I switch, again, like hes done this his entire life.
I'm in shock!

But a good shock, a great shock.

my Target addiction...

I've came to the conclusion that Target is indeed my happy place. Most people choose the beach or maybe the shower, well i'd say the shower is my 2nd happy place (hot water and quiet - don't get any wild ideas).

I noticed tonight that I forget about my phone, I forget about everything & I just zone out. I simply just walk around, in no particular order, getting what I need, some none needed things too... But on this budget, I'm a bargain shopper. I like just looking, it's an obsession maybe. I notice when they re-organize things, I notice new employees, I notice new brands & things as there on there way out. Its strange but really its my happy place.

Tonight I spent 2 hours there... Eggs, Milk, Soda, Water and food items... Oh and vitamin waters are $1 :)

I also used my mobile coupons tonight on teenie dasani waters. Good for the diaper bag :)

breastfeeding breakthrough.... I hope....

As one if my previous post states... I've been just relying on the medela. This little guy just wouldst latch and I was done forcing. I went to Target tonight just wandering and shopping for necessities, ended up by formula and got to talking to a stranger. She simply said try again...

Well he's 10 weeks old, today.

I sat on the couch, held him just like I was gonna bottle feed, had the advent nipple shield on... and tada... success....

At first he wouldn't go onto the other boob and I know I'm barely producing, so I gave him a little formula... and then onto the right, first with nipple shield but then I snuck it away...

Milk drunk, from the boob.

Goodnight baby...

So I'm hoping this sticks, no force.

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bath time...

I can't wait till he laughs when I put bubbles on his head. For now, he smiles at me as I'm amused lol.

Never thought it was possible to love someone this much. He makes everything better. I love you Blaiden oRion <3

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I never imagined...

My counter had been taken over. There has to be a system that's better then what I'm doing.

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he eats i swear :)

I really wanted to be the breastfeeding mom, openly whips out the boob in public, because really I wouldn't care. I wanted it to be a bonding experience, something that only I could do. I wanted to be able to talk about it in discussions and finally first hand understand. But let me tell you...

Blaiden is just not interested, I tried what everyone said to do... Took everyones advice even if i didn't like it. After 2 months I decided that he's just not interested, I believe in breast-milk! So I pump.. I have since he was 7 days old, Thats when my milk finally decided to show up. I had a terrible hospital experience & I semi blame that because he didn't go right to the boob... I was deathly ill.. there were so many things going on during the first 48 hours.... but really it's just not his cup-o-tea.



Unfortunately I also don't make ENOUGH milk, he eats about 25 oz a day and I produce about 1/2 of that or less.. so I supplement with formula & I don't see anything wrong with that. I take supplements, I try to eat right, I drink water and really I shouldn't have to defend myself Lol. I'm okay with this. I will someday produce more or maybe I wont, as long as he is getting some bm (breastmilk) I think its awesome. I don't feel any-less bonded & I don't think anyone has the right to say "Well you don't know, because you don't breast feed" - Just because he doesn't get it from the boob, or all his milk from the boob, I don't think I should be judged. He eats, He's healthy & Blaiden Orion is perfect!


HE LOVES BOOB-JUICE!

I'm okay with this. Everyone has their opinions, i'm okay with that too.

thiS is Me: Birth Story: Blaiden ORion

I'm working on mine still... LIFE HAPPENS lol.. But i love my best friend.. and she loves me too, the proof is here..thiS is Me: Birth Story: Blaiden ORion: "After three 'omg, this is it' parties, having an induction scheduled felt like it was the only way Mandy was having this baby! So we all sto..."

today I'm 69 days old...

Someone should buy me a present...

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its 950 am...

I was up at 6am today, not because of a screaming baby, it was from a happy baby.. He was cooing and just making noises. Its my favorite thing ever, makes me feel like i'm doing a good job as a mom, as Blaidens mom.
Up until now i've really had a hard time with advice & opinions of others. I let others opinions get to me way to much to the point I was really doubting myself. Looking back on the past 8 weeks I may have had a touch of post pardum depression or maybe just normal feelings during my hormones adjusting :/

Well needless to say emotionally as a Mom i'm doing much better.

I find myself starring a lot, at him. He's everything I hoped for and more. Everyday he gets cuter, everyday he gets even more personality and it makes me look forward to tomorrow :)

It's now 10:30 and he's up from his nap... Baby Einstein is on and he's a happy boy! I've never seen a new baby be into tv as much as him!

2.19.11 wait for it....

Hi.. I'm alive i promise.. Got a big post coming soon.. My Birth Story :) & updates on the little guy, YES!!! I had him 2.10.11 @ 7:08pm :)


so keep watching my blog :)

2.9.11

3 more days :/
So excited. So nervous.
But so ill
Sincerely,
Sad me-

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2.8.11

Relief. Induction. Saturday.. it was the earliest avail. Maybe he'll come soon on his own, strange thing. I'm now @ zero dialation when I was at 2 cm Soo strange.

Umm I feel a lil better knowing there's a day ill meet him :-)

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2.7.11

Another day has come and gone.
Still no baby. He's being stubborn.
Can I miss someone who's right here? Cuz I do. There's a huge void.

I wish I could explain.

Sincerely,
Nancy

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40 weeks and 3 days. 2.6.11

These past few days have been awful, so much pain and a pointless trip to the ER. I'm basically imobile :(
Slept most of the day away.

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I love this picture.

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2.4.11

Yogurt.
It cured my heart burn yay :)

Still no baby. We're just one day past due, I'm trying to be patient.

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Sock monkey slippers

Love the Bestie

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2.3.11

I haven't had nails to paint since birth... chronic nail biter... I'm 5 months sober lol.
I'm becoming pretty good...

This is my nail polish collection :)
$1.72 a bottle not bad...

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2.1.11

Appointment.
Was at 1050 wasn't seen till 1140 ish.
Love waiting in a room naked from the waste down, NOT!
Dialated 2cm.
He's not coming anytime soon.
Yet he is due the 3rd/4th

Induction: Valentines day :/

Over this.

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1.31.11

No baby.
Still.
He must have been waiting for February.... so come on out now...

Please. Love you. Thank you lol.

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Things that are difficult when pregnant..

Shaving my legs
Putting socks or shoes on
Putting on underwear, pants or bottoms at all
Picking things up
Sitting at a table
Reading a text book
Not spilling
Getting things up high
Feeding the cats
Taking out the dog
Walking
Getting out of couch
Stairs
Being nice.....

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My tutor

He swears he's helping....

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1.30.11

I have to do homework and read 3 chapters (the hmwk), why are textbooks so boring. They need more stories and examples.

I like online classes, but it'd be better if I took these classes with a buddy. Anybody wanna be my buddy? Lol

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1.29.11

Soo wasted a trip to the ER today... well not completely cuz the babies good :-)

Pain started last night really bad.
Didn't sleep.
Random contractions.
Could barely move.

Today 1:15. Peed. Lost plug. Then peed, in which I thought was my water breaking. Jk not :/

Anyways checked into ER like 330 ish. False alarm. Checked me, checked the baby.

His heart rate was good and I'm still at 1cm.

I hate the vaginal exams, maybe this one will get things moving.

Time to watch a movie now. In my bed. Still pregnant.
But I'm plug-less.
Let's hope my water breaks :)

I wanna meet my baby boy!
<3

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1.28.11

The pain is getting unbearable. It's not even contractions, its simply getting up from a sitting position, moving my left leg at all, trying to reposition to get more comfortable and its awful. At first I thought maybe I was just whiney, but this is a real concern. What the heck? Is this normal?

I'm due in 7 days.

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7 days.

Till due date. Will he just come then? I want him to come now. I'm too abxious. How can I act like I'm not excited?

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1.27.11

So after yesterdays events, I'm getting really nervous about labor. Can I do this? Of course I can!!! I hope :/ I'm so anxious to meet my little guy.
It's been decided since day one were are declining vaccines, and no not for the autism statistics. I just down right don't like them. I'm doubting myself, its like I have no brain anymore. I just need support :/ Someone anyone? It's been rough around here to say the least.
Classes started and I'm doing good, I don't wanna fail. I just seriously don't feel like me right now. 8 days till due date, we'll see.

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1.26.11

Today was interesting none the less.

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1.25.11

My dexter riley.

I really miss taking pictures. I need to take more.... Blaiden will be here soon. He better be a ham lol


OB update.
1cm dilated & 60% effaced.

6-7lbs guesstimate.

Target & Ihop w/mom :)

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1.24.21

Worst day.

Sums it up..

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1.23.11

I'm beginning to be addicted to lil baby clothes that look like big people clothes... so freakin cute!!! Blaiden got some goodies from his grandma donna today.

Walked the mall, hoping to get some contractions started. Didn't wk, so far :(

But got some cutsie things for his wardrobe and nummy dinner.

Good day.

<3

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1.22.11

Cats and Babies. 4 cats and a small dog... they've been the babies since day one, I'm really nervous and sad for how they are gonna take it when Blaiden arrives. The cats all sleep in bed with us, and when the baby comes.... they are being booted for awhile... until Blaiden is a little older... how do you better prepare a cat?

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HTC app called camera fun!!!

I like it!!!!

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1.21.11

I was driving today.
& I see a dog. Laying on the curb, it's dark outside. Its about 615pm, i'm convinced the dog had been hit by a car. He's just panting and drooling, a pit bull with two different colored eyes. Being pregnant, about to pop, I decide to stay in my car and call animal control. I get them on the phone and I couldn't see the name of the cross street so i decide to get out. My hazard lights are on, but im kinda parked in the middle of the street, no one stops. So nice, right!?! Well animal control is on the way... And finally a guy decides to stop, so we stand there and stare at the dog. So sad :( Then a guy comes jogging around the corner, he stops too. Then I decide maybe i should give him some water, HALARIOUS!! He gets right up, like theres nothing wrong. Drinks my water and acts like my best friend. No tags, No collar, and seriously I think he was deaf. He just started wondering. Aimlessly, didn't hear a thing. I'm like wait, your rides on its way you have to stay. LoL. Yeah he just cruised around, while I am laughing because i really thought he was hurt... So animal control came, hopefully he'll find a good home. He was a sweet dog. A little special, but sweet.

1.19.11

Mom I'm ready for my close up.

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1.18.11

17 days to go.... or less, please let it be less. I'm so uncomfortable. My feet swell so bad, my hand is tingle and numb.

I feel like my house isnt clean enough which it isn't :/ his room is :-) I need to better clean mine, and make the house more welcoming for visitors after.

Classes started today.
Still need my book.

<3

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1.17.11

I really suck at this everyday thing :/ I just need a normal working computer. I love my phones camera. Awesome pics, and yes we had Christmas in Jan. 18 days to go till due date. I dunno if I can wait. I'm getting seriously impatient.

Sincerely,
Management

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1.13.11

I suck at this lately. These past few days I've been so uncomfortable, I'm so ready for this baby. I can barely walk, I jump down everyone's throat. I'm so irritable. Due Feb 3rd that's a joke. Dr please on Monday if it doesn't happen before, this baby needs out before I lose my mind.... I'm ready!!!!

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1.10.11

Tomorrow. It'd be the perfect day for my little man to be born. 1.11.11... his room is so cute :)

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Graco, Logan... in the Jetta.

Took one full hour from unpacking it, assembling straps, installing in car... twice.. first on the passenger side realized I couldn't get it unlatched at that angle, ended up in the middle... so cute :)

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