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Guess What, the rumors are TRUE! Yes, I'm taking Cymbalta. Anti-Depressant/Anti-Anxiety. It has made a world of differences for me, i'm kinda a little absent minded and forgetful but over all I feel better. I can't describe "better" but I am. Blaiden is the center of my universe, why wouldn't he be? I know. Lol
I'm just saying, he is my everything.
I hate working, or maybe its I hate my job. I'm not sure. But when i'm with Blaiden I feel like I belong. Recently I made a big decision to let my car get repo'ed. I know it sounds awful but really I cant afford it anymore, The payment, the repairs, it's out of control. The brakes went last along with the rotors and before that, the trunk opens refusing to let me start the car, shifting to only 3rd (when it has 6 speeds) leaking oil, the axel is leaking, the front left tire wears faster then it should, beyond electrical malfunctions and the dealer has refused to work with me since day 1. So instead of whining and complaining anymore, I'm just flat out over having a car that is not safe to drive nor dependable. So that is that! Having no car is really gonna be hard, its also why i'm chosing to take 6 weeks LOA at work, I really need to decide if working is for me, or if i'm willing to make some financial sacrifices to be happy at home with Blaiden. Also, i'm a wopping 94lbs and Its gotta be the stress. I feel better as a person but the drive to work and the being away from blaiden is killing me, I hate eating, but im eating. Sleeping is getting easier, thank buddha.
I'm also thinking of exploring religions, or more of a spiritual gateway. Buddhism, seems promising. Don't judge me, it's my life. I chose awhile ago, this is my life and i'm not gonna live to impress others, I know who I am. I for ALONG time expected so much on a relationship level or support level from the wrong people. Again, i'm all over the place with this blog/letter to myself. But It's kinda the way things are up in my brain lately, but I like it, things make sense here. I have a different way of thinking, i'm okay with that. The ones who understand is who I chose :)
I like the way I've chosen to raise Blaiden, choices i've made for him and my beliefs in parenting. I will continue to make my own decisions for him, I will not compromise for him :)
He is amazingly smart! Starting to attempt walking at only 10 months, he still doesn't have any teeth. He loves to play, and more so he loves the kitties. Words are flowing. Dada, kitty, again, in, more, dexter, up, ya, so many many words are starting to be clear. But he refuses to say mamma! Little turd, its okay I know he loves me. He got his first bloody nose last week, tried to kiss his ducky and missed and hit the floor :( It was awful, for me.
Christmas is only 6 days away and i'm so unprepared! My own fault of course, I messed up the bank account. Paid the mortgage twice! So i'll be doing late christmas shopping , but at least I will get to! I'm really just into making it amazing for the little ones this year. I think the fact that everyone together just hanging out is gonna be the perfect gift for me, but I accept anything ;) Lol Christmas day wont be go go go BUT christmas eve will, it's everything I didnt want. But other people have their traditions and such, so I just need to make sure i'm ready prior. :/
We will see.
Okay well I may have spilled enough for now, I'm gonna go clean now. Seriously need to get this playroom ready for the TOYS!
at 12:29 PM
"I need to do something... i'll blog"
Let me start with Blaiden, because with him I could go on for days about how utterly amazing he is, did I mention he is 9 months! In actuality i've almost been un-pregnant as long as I was pregnant with him [2.10.11] past due by exactly 7 days, I can remember it like it was yesterday STILL! (ouch) Okay so back to him, yes 9 months and a GENIUS, aren't all our kids geniuses? He's all over the place, being mobile is his favorite thing next to eating, lol. He is rarely sitting still and climbing everything like hes part monkey. His favorite "activities" to do right now are: splashing in the animals water bowls, playing with his music activity table, torturing the "higgys", dancing/shaking his butt and turning the pages of his board books. Yes, my childs first real word was indeed higgy, translated: kitty. Completely infatuated with them, just like me! He is like a tiny human, like a real person not just a baby. He eats like a horse, I mean really we eat all day. I try to make all his food, but reality is I work now and being on the floor all day with him on my day off isn't exactly allowing for susie homemaker in the kitchen. I like plum organics, earth best and nurtur me baby food brands. He is still no dairy/no soy, so basically a little vegan... sorta, he does love eggs (scrambled or fried). For milk he drinks almond milk or coconut and really I am so pleased with his health that I wouldn't choose any other diet for him, so saddening that it took a few months to get his tummy figured out. Did I mention the kid still has no teeth, I mean really it's strange. They'll come when they want, yes I know. He has no problems chewing anything though, he loves chomping cheerios and veggie sticks. He weighs 20lbs now and height I do not remember, but hes as healthy as a clam, are clams healthy? LoL Still no vaccines, and its not "still" i'm not waiting or on the fence. WE ARE NOT VACCINATING IM FIRM AND AT ONE WITH THIS DECISION, please and thank you. I'm at one with all the parenting tactics I/we have :)
Damn he's gorgeous!
My little blue eyed blondie
"Mommy & Blaiden oRion"
at 11:00 AM
It's been about a month. Im having a really hard time. Not many people understand, most say you just have to get use to it. I'm not really okay with that. I've been pretty good with eliminating the stress from my life. This is the sole battle right now. When I'm at work I can barely focus. When does it get easier? It's not gonna, he's my baby, this is normal.
I miss him.
I miss him.
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at 4:34 AM
BlaiDeN oRioNHe was due 6 months ago today, I cant even imagine that 6 months ago I weighed just over 150lbs. I remember being so uncomfortable I could barely walk. Begging everyone and anyone to just get this baby out!
Well here we are 6 months later and BlaiDen is more amazing then I could of ever dreamed.
- Things that consume his (our) days
- Rolls over Loves to be on his tummy
- One legged turtle crawl
- stands up when you hold his hands
- Throws things out of his crib
- Fascinated with the cats
- Loves it outside
- loves to jump in his excer-saucer
- Conquered the Bumbo (no puke, yay)
- Working on clapping, loves when you clap for him!
- Yells, LOUD
- Still loves his fabric dice
- V-Tech talking dog
- Rattles, Balls, teething rings
- Crinkly things
- Walks, lots of them, long ones.
- He now sits in the front of shopping carts, in a cart cover.
- Wants whatever your drinking or eating, and the answer in 99% of the time Blaiden i'm sorry you cant :(
- Binky is completely consumed by his mouth now, any which way he can get it in there
- Bottles (yes, he holds it himself :) )
Formula (Gerber Goodstart, Gentle)To be eliminated soon
- Almond Milk
- Spoon Fed!!!! (some homemade some organic)
- Plum Organic Brown Rice
- Purple Carrot & Blueberries
- Green beans
- Sweet Potatoes
- Baby Mum rice rusks
- 9 months & sometimes 12 months
- He wears shorts & t-shirts
- sz 2 shoes are TIGHT on him
- Sleeping Habits
- Car rides.... zzzz
- Ducky, Binky + His blankie (auntie shelby made)
- Bottles and/or Journey songs put him to sleep
- 2-3 naps a day (45mins - 2 hrs)
- LOVES THEM
I'll probably have to update this a few times, i'm probably forgetting thngs :/
Bottom line, hes growing up so fast ....
at 1:11 PM
Damn I love this kid.
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at 7:52 AM