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Hey, Mandy. Its me, myself & I.

Guess What, the rumors are TRUE! Yes, I'm taking Cymbalta. Anti-Depressant/Anti-Anxiety. It has made a world of differences for me, i'm kinda a little absent minded and forgetful but over all I feel better. I can't describe "better" but I am. Blaiden is the center of my universe, why wouldn't he be? I know. Lol 

I'm just saying, he is my everything. 

I hate working, or maybe its I hate my job. I'm not sure. But when i'm with Blaiden I feel like I belong. Recently I made a big decision to let my car get repo'ed. I know it sounds awful but really I cant afford it anymore, The payment, the repairs, it's out of control. The brakes went last along with the rotors and before that, the trunk opens refusing to let me start the car, shifting to only 3rd (when it has 6 speeds) leaking oil, the axel is leaking, the front left tire wears faster then it should, beyond electrical malfunctions and the dealer has refused to work with me since day 1. So instead of whining and complaining anymore, I'm just flat out over having a car that is not safe to drive nor dependable. So that is that! Having no car is really gonna be hard, its also why i'm chosing to take 6 weeks LOA at work, I really need to decide if working is for me, or if i'm willing to make some financial sacrifices to be happy at home with Blaiden. Also, i'm a wopping 94lbs and Its gotta be the stress. I feel better as a person but the drive to work and the being away from blaiden is killing me, I hate eating, but im eating. Sleeping is getting easier, thank buddha. 

I'm also thinking of exploring religions, or more of a spiritual gateway. Buddhism, seems promising. Don't judge me, it's my life. I chose awhile ago, this is my life and i'm not gonna live to impress others, I know who I am. I for ALONG time expected so much on a relationship level or support level from the wrong people. Again, i'm all over the place with this blog/letter to myself. But It's kinda the way things are up in my brain lately, but I like it, things make sense here. I have a different way of thinking, i'm okay with that. The ones who understand is who I chose :)

I like the way I've chosen to raise Blaiden, choices i've made for him and my beliefs in parenting. I will continue to make my own decisions for him, I will not compromise for him :) 

He is amazingly smart! Starting to attempt walking at only 10 months, he still doesn't have any teeth. He loves to play, and more so he loves the kitties. Words are flowing. Dada, kitty, again, in, more, dexter, up, ya, so many many words are starting to be clear. But he refuses to say mamma! Little turd, its okay I know he loves me. He got his first bloody nose last week, tried to kiss his ducky and missed and hit the floor :( It was awful, for me. 

Christmas is only 6 days away and i'm so unprepared! My own fault of course, I messed up the bank account. Paid the mortgage twice! So i'll be doing late christmas shopping , but at least I will get to! I'm really just into making it amazing for the little ones this year. I think the fact that everyone together just hanging out is gonna be the perfect gift for me, but I accept anything ;) Lol Christmas day wont be go go go BUT christmas eve will, it's everything I didnt want. But other people have their traditions and such, so I just need to make sure i'm ready prior. :/ 

We will see.

Okay well I may have spilled enough for now, I'm gonna go clean now. Seriously need to get this playroom ready for the TOYS!

xxoo

Me

He's 9 damn months old!

 "I need to do something... i'll blog"

Take one-

Let me start with Blaiden, because with him I could go on for days about how utterly amazing he is, did I mention he is 9 months! In actuality i've almost been un-pregnant as long as I was pregnant with him [2.10.11] past due by exactly 7 days, I can remember it like it was yesterday STILL! (ouch) Okay so back to him, yes 9 months and a GENIUS, aren't all our kids geniuses? He's all over the place, being mobile is his favorite thing next to eating, lol. He is rarely sitting still and climbing everything like hes part monkey. His favorite "activities" to do right now are: splashing in the animals water bowls, playing with his music activity table, torturing the "higgys", dancing/shaking his butt and turning the pages of his board books. Yes, my childs first real word was indeed higgy, translated: kitty. Completely infatuated with them, just like me! He is like a tiny human, like a real person not just a baby. He eats like a horse, I mean really we eat all day. I try to make all his food, but reality is I work now and being on the floor all day with him on my day off isn't exactly allowing for susie homemaker in the kitchen. I like plum organics, earth best and nurtur me baby food brands. He is still no dairy/no soy, so basically a little vegan... sorta, he does love eggs (scrambled or fried). For milk he drinks almond milk or coconut and really I am so pleased with his health that I wouldn't choose any other diet for him, so saddening that it took a few months to get his tummy figured out. Did I mention the kid still has no teeth, I mean really it's strange. They'll come when they want, yes I know. He has no problems chewing anything though, he loves chomping cheerios and veggie sticks. He weighs 20lbs now and height I do not remember, but hes as healthy as a clam, are clams healthy? LoL Still no vaccines, and its not "still" i'm not waiting or on the fence. WE ARE NOT VACCINATING IM FIRM AND AT ONE WITH THIS DECISION, please and thank you. I'm at one with all the parenting tactics I/we have :) 

Damn he's gorgeous! 

My little blue eyed blondie

"Mommy & Blaiden oRion"

since work...

It's been about a month. Im having a really hard time. Not many people understand, most say you just have to get use to it. I'm not really okay with that. I've been pretty good with eliminating the stress from my life. This is the sole battle right now. When I'm at work I can barely focus. When does it get easier? It's not gonna, he's my baby, this is normal.
I miss him.

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Dear Volkswagen,

I bought a Jetta because its a safe car. Apparently safe is because broken cars aren't driven much.

You fail.

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New HaiR

New job, new Chapter...

Next page

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almost six months

BlaiDeN oRioN

He was due 6 months ago today, I cant even imagine that 6 months ago I weighed just over 150lbs. I remember being so uncomfortable I could barely walk. Begging everyone and anyone to just get this baby out!


Well here we are 6 months later and BlaiDen is more amazing then I could of ever dreamed. 

• Things that consume his (our) days
• Rolls over  Loves to be on his tummy
• One legged turtle crawl
• stands up when you hold his hands
• Throws things out of his crib
• Fascinated with the cats
• Loves it outside
• loves to jump in his excer-saucer
• Conquered the Bumbo (no puke, yay)
• Babbles
• Working on clapping, loves when you clap for him!
• Yells,  LOUD
• Still loves his fabric dice
• V-Tech talking dog
• Rattles, Balls, teething rings
• Crinkly things
• Walks, lots of them, long ones. 
• Drives
• He now sits in the front of shopping carts, in a cart cover.
• Wants whatever your drinking or eating, and the answer in 99% of the time Blaiden i'm sorry you cant :(
• Binky is completely consumed by his mouth now, any which way he can get it in there
• Bottles (yes, he holds it himself :) )
• Formula (Gerber Goodstart, Gentle) To be eliminated soon
• Breastmilk
• Almond Milk
• h2o
• Spoon Fed!!!! (some homemade some organic) 
• Plum Organic Brown Rice 
• Bananas
• Peas
• Carrots
• Purple Carrot & Blueberries
• Apples
• Green beans
• Sweet Potatoes
• Baby Mum rice rusks
• Clothes
• 9 months & sometimes 12 months
• He wears shorts & t-shirts
• sz 2 shoes are TIGHT on him
• Sleeping Habits
• Car rides.... zzzz
• Ducky, Binky + His blankie (auntie shelby made)
• Bottles and/or  Journey songs put him to sleep
• 2-3 naps a day (45mins - 2 hrs)
• 10pm-6am
• Baths
• LOVES THEM

I'll probably have to update this a few times, i'm probably forgetting thngs :/

Bottom line, hes growing up so fast ....

<3

Cousins

.love.

Enough said.

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milestone climber....

In 2 weeks he will be 6 months old.... I can't beleive how fast its gone, his growing that is, mommy healing not so much. But yes milestones, he's much better at tummy time, full roller, almost crawling, sitting up with less help, eating fruits & veggies... sleeping better at night....

Damn I love this kid.

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Marley

Puppy teeth

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bliss

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5 months on his candy blankie...

Blaiden is HUGE.

That is all

Blaiden (danger baby) loudest baby I know.

Blaiden screams and yells, not because he's mad (usually) but because HE CAN! He makes noises when he eats, wakes up blabbing, I mean really he's just overall LOUD! He's seriously like a little person. When your eating or drink something he wants it, and if hes in reach he WILL grab it.
I see why people start baby proofing during pregnancy because you never know when you need to: it just happens.  One day hes still and the next he's into everything. He tries to chew the cord to the computer, he yanks my phone out of my hand, spills glasses on the coffee table just by reaching, kicks things over when he's in "attempt to crawl mode" & when he wants something he lets you know.
Its so cute that he reaches now to be picked up, leans towards toys he wants or a new place he'd like to be in.. bumbo, excersaucer, tummy time, outside... Damn he's smart!
I still cant believe I grew this little (15lbs, 26 inches now) boy inside my belly. Everytime I see him i'm just amazed.

I don't want to miss a single moment in his little life, but I heard this myth that money makes the world turn.

H.M.P.H

I'm in love with taking pictures as much as i'm in love with Blaiden, or vice versa-

 Blaiden oRion

 This kid is so damn cute! Right?! Hes got such an amazing little personality, and he's human! 

Now back to picture taking... 

There is this little grape vine growing on someones fence and this little bundle is growing through the fence... Aren't they cute? I take a picture of them everyday when I walk....

Pathological Picture taker.. of my favorite face.

Yesterday as I had my camera pointed in Blaidens face, yet again, I thought to myself: Am I taking too many pictures?

I wanna save every single moment! His little face changes everyday, he does something new everyday. So the answer to myself is, NO! I do not take too many pictures.

He's almost 5 months old! Can you believe it?

XoXo
Mommy

Marleys 1st night outback.

He did great! I slept not so great because I was worried about him but he was not noisy. I checked on him numerous times, he was asleep in his crate, or in the middle of the yard OR playing. I feel good about this decision... the outside dog!

I just hope my brother stays okay with it.

Happy Auntie Mandy

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Marley.

This here is my nephew, Marley. He is a mutt, a cute mutt. We are unsure of how big or little he will be, right now he is 11 weeks only and weighs about 10 lbs. He's a little skinny, but we'll fatten him up. My brother, is he who adopted this little guy. I was under the impression we were getting an outdoor dog, but this little guy got a fair 1.5 week trial indoors. Little Mr cant control his bladder, so after aunt Mandy (me) had a restless night of playing his mind games, he is now outdoors. My backyard is not a very nice place, its over grown and under loved. I went out pretty early before the heat and made it semi welcoming to little Marley. Blocked all the escape routes, made him a shade spot, gave him a big ole water bowl & smashed down the weeds and covered with mulch for a place for him to potty, as he pleases, not on my NEW carpet or cute throw rugs...

It is now 1:00 pm and its probably about 83 degrees out, and he's a happy little guy. Chasing leaves. Splashin in his water bowl! Dude this dog was meant for the outdoors.

More to come..

Liquid Gold... Breastmilk

My freezer currently holds 50 oz of breast-milk, the so called liquid gold.
My views on breastfeeding are probably a lot different then most. I had a "rough" experience, most may not. To each their own though. If it works for you then awesome, if not ITS OKAY!
With that said, let me tell you what is going on. Blaiden is almost 5 months old (the 10th) and we are STILL having major issues with throwing up, most say spit up but when its in ounces I call it throw up. He's been diagnosed with reflux a moderate to severe case. Sometimes when he throws up its completely acidic, and he screams. No one wants that taste in their mouth. He had a upper GI last week and now we are gong to see a specialist.
I try to give him more baby food (homemade and a few plum organic foods) & rice then formula, because he keeps that down better. We have tried every formula under the sun, literally. What we found that works best is Gerber Gentle and Similac Alimentum (hypoallergenic), I use a quarter of a scoop in 3 oz. Barely any of the Alimentum, I started out using more but he hates it so I prefer not to torture him.

Yesterday I got this genious idea, our issue with the breast-milk was it gave him severe gas and made him crazy no matter what I ate. So I thought what if I put a splash of alimentum in the BM (breastmilk) well i did... And he's been drinking nothing but breast milk today, no spit up!!! since 745am its now 4:45, isnt that awesome!!!

Next issue, I havent pumped in 8 weeks. So I only have whats in the freezer, well I grab the medela, pump, and guess what?

I CAN STILL MAKE MILK!! I'm such a cow. LoL

Fenugreek & Mothers Milk Tea.. & gallons of water,, I will get this supply back up!!
I will keep you all posted on how it goes.

Back to watching Hoarders... I should blog about that next... maybe

too often....

I despise conflict, some may say differently but its really the truth. Often when i'm in a verbal dispute/discussion I feel cornered and trapped even if it was me who started it and I scramble for words I make zero sense and it really doesn't better the situation. Recently I realized I'm never happy with the outcome of talking about the way I feel. (some negative, some positive or sometimes just a general discussion) I never feel better after, no matter how much or little I talk about specific problems. I've tried to self evaluate to see if I can do something different or maybe its the other person. I'm really at a loss for words. Its not with a specific person its with many people. It really sucks because I know its not good to bottle things up. But really if I know i'm not gonna feel better after talking about it, and I 90% of the time feel SO much worse, its not worth it. I'm gonna work on working things out in my head or maybe start a journal. I don't want anyone to take this personally. But for ME I think this is best.

Dear Diary its me...